Friday, 31 January 2014

Reminisce (Parts one, two and three)

Niall O'Sullivan recently wrote a blog entry about the history of the live poetry circuit which managed to turn me into a whimsical, reflective old man.  Not long after that, he invited other people to talk about their own histories, something I had long considered doing for this blog but felt might seem worryingly self-indulgent.  But when somebody more successful than you encourages that self-indulgent strand of your personality, you think… Oh hell, why not? The worst thing that will happen will be that nobody reads it.  So here goes.

(Forgive me for anything I don't mention below, like Poetry Unplugged.  It almost goes without saying that was an extremely important event to introduce to the London circuit and was probably a big factor in creating networks between poets and changing everything).

The Nineties














(The nineties here are represented by a tragic Student Union photo ID card I should probably burn rather than show to you, with holes punched into it and bits cut out to prove that I had voted for representatives in numerous union elections).

By the time I got to university I had already been writing poetry on a regular basis since 1990 and had been published in a few underground fanzines, but 1994 marked the point I joined the university's Literary Society who gave me my first experience of doing a poetry reading. I've already talked lovingly about the pub these readings used to take place in and I don't want to waste more time doing so here, but that brief little period of my life inside that student organised open mic bubble did actually conform to most of the cliches which would go on to dog me in the broader outside world. The poets all loved each other, hated each other, then loved each other again, then tried to kill each other.  Alongside the naive people like me who were trying their hardest to be halfway good and often failing, we had bad comedy poets, local "eccentrics" dropping in to share their thoughts at length (one of whom would accuse Paul McCartney of stealing all of his best ideas without ever providing any proof) and poets who tried to be shocking by starting their performances with shouted lines like "HAPPINESS IS A DRIPPING PRICK". If I thought these wobbles away from the road we believed we'd set were in any way one-off quirks of the crazy open mic we were trying to run and were nothing like the rest of the circuit (I did) I would be proven wrong over the two decades to come.  The faces changed, but the out-of-key songs generally remained the same.

On the Portsmouth streets outside, irregular open mic nights occurred in other pubs which were extremely friendly, and The Wedgewood Rooms would run a live poetry event once every few months which would usually involve characters like Joolz Denby, Attila the Stockbroker or Simon Armitage being ably supported by a local ranting star.  Joolz was the first poet I saw live who made me realise that I was doing absolutely everything wrong - here was somebody who could really involve, engage and emotionally effect her audience. I walked away from her shows doubting I'd ever be as good, but wanting to seriously up my game.

If I wanted to develop my work or see live shows apart from that, London was the only sensible option, and even London was limited. I recall heading up to the smoke on National Poetry Day to see a free poetry gig in a marquee tent in Covent Garden. The marquee tent was the smallest I'd ever seen - you could probably go holidaying with two medium-sized families in it. John Hegley was there being incredibly sharp and charismatic, but during the Q&A session somebody asked him if he made much money out of poetry. "NO!" he snapped. "And I'm not getting paid for THIS either!" Another early lesson.

Performers such as Hegley and Joolz (and indeed many of the ranting poets who hadn't achieved their levels of fame) were and remain incredibly engaging, but there was no sense of where new poets seeking out live shows could start. In a fanzine interview from the day, Joolz advised any poets wanting to perform to try to support local bands. The idea filled me with terror.  I went to workshops in London instead to develop my work and was often greeted with a room filled with much more middle class, more accomplished, older people than me who didn't know what to do with the inexperienced young man in the room, and often critiqued me as if I had the same degree of knowledge as them and should have known better.  In one case, I read some workshoppers a poem I'd written about Essex, and they stared at me blankly, tossing in a few sneering jokes about the county and the people from it when I stopped reading.  Then another incredibly well-spoken member read a pro-fox hunting piece which scoffed about how city folk didn't understand what it was about, and they immediately lapped it up. Where the hell was I? The city or the countryside? My piece was probably crap, but at least the subject and tone didn't feel objectionable.

Experimental events like The Klinker would often put on token poetry acts as part of their bill, and it was there I first saw the astounding Bob Cobbing, another person who made me realise there was more to live poetry, performance and communication than I had ever previously supposed. His experiments with language and found materials pulled me into newer directions with my own work.

I wrote a letter to Apples and Snakes in 1996 begging for a gig, enclosing some material (which I now seriously hope never sees the light of day). They wrote back positively and said they would investigate me at a live performance soon to see if they could work with me. They eventually gave me a gig in 2008, long after that original letter had been forgotten - but that's not entirely their fault. By the time I had an opportunity to potentially interest them, I'd gone into retreat, back into my bedroom, and I'd given up on the idea of anything other than writing for awhile.

In short - I might have just been unlucky, and I certainly wasn't ready for a full length gig anyway (whatever I supposed at the time) but the nineties seemed bloody desolate, though there were rays of hope here and there.


2000-2005














(Me at "Walking The Dog", photo by Nili Roberts) 

I tried out the London live poetry circuit again in November 1999, and while there seemed to be more nights running by this point, initially the atmosphere still felt either chaotic or stuffy. Some evenings still took place in quiet, musty pub basements in Zone 2 with lit candles on the table and bad folk music on the sound system, but changes were slowly brewing.

I attended an open mic in a modern Cafe in Brick Lane replete with Apple Macs and cappuccinos.  The promoter occasionally filmed the event live and broadcast it (badly) online, and I never heard, read or saw most of the people who attended again, but a group of poets called The Radges showed up and barked their material at the customers. They weren't as able at this point as they would go on to become, but Jason King and Jeremy Quinn in particular seemed both earthy and otherly, as if they'd both seen the ranting live poets and also swallowed some less direct, more surreal poetry on the way.  Later on, they would begin a live poetry "party" with Robbie Chops called "Walking The Dog", an open mic filled with call-and-reponse catchphrases, loud music, booze and energy. Most of what the young poetry circuit in London tries to include in the present decade was present in "Walking The Dog" in embryonic form.  It may have sometimes been drunken and messy, but I've nothing but fond memories of the experience.  Even though it was an Open Mic, customers from the pub downstairs would often creep up to see what was going on, pushing attendances near the hundred mark.  Emma Hammond attended many Dogs, Unpluggeds and Klinkers on the way to becoming the unique poet she is today, and it did feel at the time as if some cross-fertilisation of ideas was occurring.

Other nights had tendencies to occasionally book slightly ropey comedy or cabaret poetry acts as misguided attempts to appease casual punters, but when they got it right, they were slick and enjoyable. Express Excess and Short Fuse never sagged in terms of energy, and New Blood at the Poetry Cafe was notable for doing that very thing the nineties poetry circuit didn't bother with - providing a well organised slot for new voices. Elsewhere, Kerouac's in Deptford was more subdued and sometimes felt as if it had one foot in the previous decade, but actually acted as an outlet for a lot of unestablished names, many of whom would later go on to more success.

Niall is (in my opinion) correct when he says that the circuit was clogged with a lot of bad performance poetry acts touring the city doing the same five-poem set over and over, a bit like the music hall chancers of yore only spread across a tighter geographical base.  It's easy to look back on these people whose names I can't remember with fondness.  So I don't libel anyone, let's make some performers up ever so slightly, shall we?  There was the man who only did twee rhyming poems about dogs (taking one aspect of Hegley's act and trying to build a career from it), the man who wore a Jacobean ruff and performed theatrical and airy verse about his various experiences that week, all while making elaborate gestures with his arms, the one who always wore a straw hat and probably called himself Mr Strawhatman… when I think of these people now I think of them with nostalgic fondness, but my diary from the time is much, much less complimentary.  The jokes - never wonderful from the offset - got very old very quickly.  But away from them, there were some brilliant performers and writers, such as Tim Turnbull, Luke Wright and Ross Sutherland. It wasn't all novelty, props and tat, though Aisle 16 had an effective and non-tacky approach with props.

2005 - 2009


















(Me reading at apparently the last ever Jorge event at the George Tavern, which booked live music and poets - picture taken by Anne Brechin).

Despite the cabaret elements of poetry slowly slipping away, the circuit expanded further still. I have a theory that it was probably the shrinking of the volume of performers and continued expansion of the live events available which lead to a lot more risks being taken with bookings initially.  Writers who would ordinarily be regarded as "page poets" had by now developed the performance chops to compete and nights which might have once cocked a snook at them snapped them up instead.  "Express Excess" in particular seemed to take a lot more risks in this direction.

Vintage Poison also started running a plethora of nights across the circuit, and while they never really achieved the impact I suspect they set out to, they did straddle the page/ stage divide often and provided an outlet for some brilliant new poets.  Utter! hit its stride around this point too and took endless risks with bookings, as did Niall O'Sullivan's night "The Cellar", which acted like a poetry spotters convention in terms of the range of styles on offer, featuring top slam artists, comedy poets, performance poets and page poets all in the same room, never leaving audiences bored.  Even the Open Mics felt less shambolic, with Y Tuesday in particular offering a uniquely friendly, warm atmosphere.  Elsewhere, Poejazzi created a well-promoted and slick night with poets and musicians, doing a lot to create an atmosphere where poets could reach new audiences and be taken seriously.

It felt ridiculously easy as a poet to get gigs in galleries or supporting bands during the first half of this period, and while the band support slots were normally a total waste of time in terms of selling books or getting web-hits, they were an important way of getting poets used to the demands of different audiences and sharpened a lot of people's acts.  If I had to pick a period I felt I enjoyed the most, the first half of this time would be it - but then I would say that. I was kept busy throughout it.

I'm going to argue that the Spoken Word scene as it stands today came into effect on 2nd April 2007, the moment Scroobius Pip's single "Thou Shalt Always Kill" went on sale.  There had been a steady series of changes leading up to that point, but the commercial success of that record and the sudden spotlight on the hip-hop orientated style  of spoken word (which had been around, especially in South London, for a long while anyway) did seem like a game-changer, and endless similar poets seemed to rush through in the wake of his success.  I remember buying and enjoying the single at the time but wondering what it meant for the rest of us.

I would disagree with Niall's assertion that spoken word is better overall than the poets on the old scene - they're on occasion just as bad as the worst from that period.  Thinking more broadly away from the most successful exponents, for every doggerel merchant clogging up the circuit's arteries in 2002 there's a rhyming windbag in 2013 whose party piece is a five minute epic poem about the kind of person they are.  We will never be completely free of awful work in whatever form it takes, and the ratio of good to bad work doesn't tend to move as much as we imagine - it's just different flavours of incredible and revolting.

But this is all my perspective.  And my perspective will not be the same as Niall's, yours, Mr Strawhatman's, or anyone else's.  These are all biased views, and we generally tend to censor out the rubbish around us at the moments in life when we're having the most fun.  So my opinions on this mean nought in general, but I would be interested in reading other people's. 

Wednesday, 1 January 2014

Platform One - 11th January















It feels too early in the year to start on any kind of promotional drive for forthcoming gigs, but this one is on 11th January, dangerously close to the birth of the bonny baby 2014, and I've got to start pushing it sometime.

I'll be appearing with Cheryl McLennan, and I will also say that I'm really glad to have been given a gig at Platform One, one of the most relaxed and intimate nights on the London poetry circuit.  It's a tremendously friendly and easy-going evening with a very varied tone - just the way I like my poetry nights.

The Facebook invite is here - I do hope you can make it along.  Let's get 2014 off to an interesting start. 

Monday, 30 December 2013

The End Of That















Well, that's torn it. 2013 is almost over and done with, and did I set out to do everything I promised myself? Not at all. I began the year setting myself a strict target for the number of poems to write per month, intending to apply the same discipline to that I had to building my fitness up to a strong showing in a 10K race a couple of years ago.  In the end, I failed and didn't even have the decency to be disappointed in myself.  So it goes.  If a publisher or editor had been on my back in the same way that sponsors had been gambling on me getting a good time in the 10K run, I might have ended up nearer my target.  I like to think of myself as being self-motivated enough to not need external pressures to get work done, but the reality is that I'm as prone to procrastination as most people, and probably need to have somebody with a clipboard stood behind me telling me to get on with it.  If private humiliation as opposed to public humiliation is all that's at stake, well, I can always lie to myself.

But… but but but… it's not a lie to say that I did get some writing done, and no more or less than usual.  I'm also proud that a short story of mine got used by "The Alarmist" for their second issue, which was the first story (as opposed to poem) I'd ever had published anywhere.

And then in the summer, this happened…



















I was carrying a bottle of water around with me in my work bag, and it burst open on to my poetry notebook, completely wiping out a lot of the new work in the process.  I think that most of the ideas it flooded had either already been typed up or disregarded as bad material, but I'll never really know for sure.  With incidents like that one slapping me in the face, it's no wonder I didn't write as much as I aimed to.

Looking forward, I have absolutely no idea what I'll be doing in 2014 in terms of live performance work. I have two gigs lined up, one in January, the other February, but by the autumn I'll have spent fifteen years on the London live poetry circuit.  Given that fact, it's no wonder I feel I've hit a point where I'm no longer in the mood for spending time constantly chasing live work at the expense of creating new written work (and possibly getting it published).  We all have to network and maintain a physical presence in the real world to get work offers whether we're at the top of the game or at the very bottom, but it's now becoming harder and harder to get heard through the noise, and near-on impossible to persuade the bigger promoters to attend low-key gigs whether you're a new poet or an established one. I'm questioning whether I should just focus on writing and let people come to me more in 2014 (and if they don't, so be it).  This might mean a slowdown in the amount of gigs, or it might not - but I'm not going to get worried about it.  Poetry will still get written, and hopefully more of it will get published if I give it enough focus.

If I have one big hope for 2014, it's that poetry in general will finally gain a bit of self-respect.  I'm talking to all of you here.  At the very start of 2013 I was at a private showing of work by some highly touted up-and-coming artists, and all of them were able to present themselves with huge confidence and knew that what they had created had huge cross-appeal.  They weren't perfect in the way they conducted themselves, rolling their eyes now and then at the odd stupid question from an arts administrator, but I couldn't help but contrast their behaviour with those of the poets I knew, who have always felt cloying and desperate for attention in comparison.  Poets are either apologetic about what they do, self-deprecating to a fault, or they'll come across like Youth Club workers or leaders, trying to be accepted by the gangs around them and using all the right language whilst knowing deep down that their faces don't quite fit. The best artists and musicians aren't generally afraid to be themselves, are proud of the work they've created, expect to be accepted for the absurd nature of what they do, and couldn't care less if they're not.  Poets, on the other hand, are utterly desperate for acceptance and truly terrified of any criticism at all.  There are no easy answers to this, and it seems like too much to hope for that such a huge problem can be resolved in a single year, but let's all at least have a crack at it.  Let's pretend that we really are at the start of a brilliant new phase in British poetry, and that it can only get better if we're proud of both of the form and the unique attributes we're able to bring to it.  Let's be confident enough to be ourselves, and turn down that glassy-eyed, over-enthusisatic handshake just a few notches. It might get us somewhere.

See you in the new year.  

Sunday, 1 December 2013

People often ask me if I have any words of advice for young poets

Well... they don't, actually.  Let me give you a bit of background here.  Once upon a long ago when my profile was a bit stronger than it is at the moment, I scribbled a few words down as advice I'd give if I met a new poet on the live circuit and they asked me what pitfalls they should bear in mind.  I was going to place this on my MySpace blog (I told you this was a long time ago) but ultimately chickened out.  Who was I to be dispensing this information, after all?  Who did I think I was?  Luke Wright? Scroobius Pip?

But to hell with it.  My opinions on this aren't necessarily more or less valid than anyone else's, and whilst I genuinely don't expect a newcomer to turn to my blog for advice, it's always at least halfway interesting (and usually bizarrely controversial) to read somebody's angle on the mechanics of the London poetry circuit.  So here are some points...

1. If you compete in slams, for God's sake have some fun at them.

Away from the major competitions such as Farrago where the results can carry some weight, slams are primarily supposed to be fun, an entertaining alternative to open mics, so enjoy them as a night out.  Do your best, but don't be surprised if the novelty act or the cocky 16 year old with ideas above his/her station wins - audiences at slams are often illogical and just as likely to vote for some random eccentric who'll never be heard from again as they are somebody with exceptional delivery and ideas.  Therefore, whichever way the coin falls, accept the outcome.

There are also few slam events I've been to where somebody hasn't complained of "fixes".  "But it's not fair! The audience cheered far louder for me than they did for Roger the Rude, Nude Ranting Poet!" Doing this is proof in itself that you've forgotten to have fun at the event.  (And anyway, how could a poet like Roger fail to win, you liar?  That's everything you need, right there, all bases covered. I'm almost tempted to go out and create that act myself.  It's even better than my idea to create a novelty act called Gravy Davy, the rhyming poet who primarily writes about traditional roast dinners).

2. And slams shouldn't be your only training ground, anyway.

All too often serial slammers make the mistake of developing entire live sets based on their greatest hits.  Sets should arc effectively and shift and change mood to keep the audience interested - blast out very samey, high-energy ideas, and you're going to lose their interest quickly (or indeed vice versa).

So use the open mic opportunities open to you to experiment and develop other work as well.  For one thing, an open mic audience is going to respond to your work in a much more typical way than a rowdy  slam audience.  Get a feel for all the circuit, not just one corner of it.

3. Ten minutes slots should be carefully planned.

It's common for new poets to be given ten minute slots at events rather than twenty minute ones, and it's not a lot of time to play with at all.  You essentially have the amount of time it takes to listen to two modern hit singles to establish a rapport with the audience, give them your best poems, and get out of there having given them (and any promoters lurking) the impression that you'll be worth seeing again.  A lot of established poets would struggle with those limits, and it's a lot to ask of a developing artist, but  it's also something we've all had to do.

Given the above, the first question you should ask yourself is whether you're planning to include that 3-5 minute epic poem you're in love with.  The answer all too commonly seems to be "Yes", and it's often a waste of precious time.  Firstly, are you absolutely sure it needs to be that long?  If you strike a red biro through some of the lines or even whole stanzas, does it lose its overall message or impact?  If the workshops I've attended are anything to go by, the answer here is usually "Yes" once again, so I'll repeat my question... Are you sure?  Is the work actually not incredibly repetitious, and are you not finding lots of new ways to express the same idea or image over and over again?  Ten minutes would usually be better spent giving the audience a wide idea of the scope of the work you can do, and far apart from that, if half the room dislike the long poem, they may spend 3-5 minutes more time  disliking your work than they otherwise might.  With time limits like these, clock-watching becomes really important.

Above all else, don't be afraid of using the red pen.  Even if there are lines in the poem you think are too wonderful to lose, you can farm them out to other pieces of work.  I have a notebook filled with stray lines that are waiting to be placed somewhere new or written around, and I usually either end up completely going off them (meaning they were obviously never all that wonderful in the first place) or finding them a place in a new piece of work within a couple of years.  Either way, it's no loss.

4. Try not to apologise for poems in advance of reading them.

Even established poets do this, but that doesn't (in my opinion) make it right!  Poets tend to lean naturally towards self-deprecation, but if you apologise for a new piece of work or for the subject matter of a long-standing piece of work, audiences will be more likely to judge it critically.  Why should they do otherwise when you've already planted the idea in their minds?  It's OK to announce a poem as being a new piece of work in progress at an open mic if you're soliciting feedback, but I'd be careful about doing so in a live set people have paid to see, and I'd be doubly careful about adding the shrugging disclaimer "so it might be a bit shit, sorry about that".  It makes you seem like a nice, honest person, but it may not flatter your work, which should be the thing you care about most. Would an up-and-coming live band do this before a new song, or a comedian before a new routine?  Not normally, and there's a good reason for that.

5. The page/ stage (spoken word/ published poet) divide is a myth.

Well, it is and it isn't.  It certainly seems to exist in plenty of people's minds.  But here's my tuppence worth - if a non-comic spoken word act can't produce work which stands up on the page, they're not a very good poet and they're depriving themselves of numerous opportunities.  If, on the other hand, a poet's published work is fantastic but he/she mumbles towards his/her feet at a reading, they're still a good poet, but they're also depriving themselves of numerous opportunities (and possibly wasting the time and money of anyone who has actually paid to see them).

So-called spoken word poets and page poets - especially people who deliberately define themselves as such - could learn a lot from each other, and should.  If you're of the divisive "us and them" mindset (as a depressing amount of poets are) and believe that spoken word artists are beneath you, or you're a spoken word artist and feel that anyone with a Picador or Faber and Faber publishing contract is obviously an academic, elitist bore from whom you can learn nothing, your envy is blindingly obvious and is also costing you chances to develop.  As a punter I would love nothing more than to turn up to live events to watch amazing writers completely engage with audiences.  I'm not really interested in watching confident, cocky performers delivering below-par material, or excellent writers underselling their work and making it sound worse than it reads in my own head.  I'm sure this goes for most people.

In short - collaborate with each other more. PLEASE. Divides only exist because you're an insecure bunch of fools who put the barriers up yourselves in the first place.  Oh OK, it's not as simple as that, but that's as much depth as I'm prepared to go into on this debate.

6. The more poetry you read, the better you get.

This cliche is true.  As somebody who is also easily distracted by novels, biographies, music magazines, websites, episodes of "Coronation Street" and BBC documentaries on rock stars, this is also something I need to remind myself more.

7. Be nice to promoters and publishers, even if they're not keen on your work.

Even if you're widely loved, there are going to be promoters out there who won't like your work and aren't likely to consider giving you a gig.  I'm naming no names, but I know of at least one big-name poet who in the last year has struggled to convince a big-fish-in-a-small-pond promoter in a small English city that he's worth the trouble booking.

The best thing to do would be to take the rejection with good grace and accept that you won't be liked by everyone.  The absolute worst thing to do would be to start a fight - either on the Internet or in the real world - thereby drawing attention to yourself as a prima-donna and a difficult person to work with.


Also, a simple rule of thumb which seems horribly obvious on the surface, but still trips a lot of people up – target your work. If you don’t like what they produce or promote much, they probably won’t like your material either. Take it as a compliment if you want, but don’t start a war, or waste your time trying to subvert their particular project like a big poetry radical.  

8. Charm isn't a dirty word, although it is easy to be jealous of charming bastards.  I often am. 

Whatever field you work in or career you have, there are always going to be people who get more attention just because they’re “likeable”, or friends with a lot of the “right” people – sometimes more than they are actually talented.  Get used to it, or your teeth will be ground to dust before you get to the age of forty, whether you carry on writing poetry or not.  Or try to be pleasant yourself, in the hope you can also get work on the basis of your easy charm.  This is the harder option for many.  

9. If you don't want to play the game, don't play the game.

If you want to be as experimental, jarring, awkward, and/or offensive as possible, then don’t be surprised when it doesn’t make you popular, the mainstream doesn't recognise your genius, and you end up on the cultish fringes.  That's usually the nature of going against the grain.  If all you care about is being popular, however… then play the game.  But if it’s popularity you want in your lifetime, why did you choose poetry in the first place?

Ah, the riddles and woes of working in an underpaid artform.  

10. Dave, see point 3. This blog entry needs a lot of red biro lines through it.

Shut up. 

Sunday, 24 November 2013

Objectify

(I actually wrote and performed this for a feature slot for one of Kevin Reinhardt's poetry events, then never did it again. It wasn't the intention to abandon it so swiftly, but its Vonnegut-apeing quirkiness probably didn't seem quite as clever to me later on as it did the morning after writing it.  These things happen.

I can't remember how I handled the "insert your own…" aspects of the piece. Pointed to the page, I think. That should be bloody high on the list of things you really shouldn't do in front of a live audience.)

We have all, at one point, fantasized about “being” with celebrities.
Don’t try to deny it.
Don’t sneer at me.  Don’t pretend you’ve never been
captivated by shallow glitz.

 Insert your own fantasy here    ---------------------------------------------------------------
Insert your own poem here:




 I cannot do it for you.

Eventually these dreams become tiresome.
Once the admiration of your friends
wears off and turns to jealousy so you
have no friends, you are left alone.
Your lover talks to Dazed and Confused
about the tragedy of war and a
new fragrance she has launched, and
you are merely a vampire in a hall of mirrors.

For today, however, I am
imagining getting together with the
woman on the late news programme who is
researching corruption in the American Military.
She sits, stuttering slightly, wearing
more make-up than she’s clearly used to,
trapped inside a television against her will.

I know how things would run.
I would meet her at a party.
One of those crap London dos full of
rich kids talking loudly and
confidently about subjects they know 
nothing about.
She would be fascinating and approachable.
Her angular nose would bump against
mine when we tried to kiss, but it
wouldn’t spoil the moment.  We’d laugh, and
the pressure, and eventually her clothes,
would be off.

Her busy work talking to people she
hates and trying to extract the
truth would make her lonely, and so
she would need the slow pleasure of warmth,
would not see it as restricting or
suffocating, just liberating.

Maybe weeks, possibly months down the line,
her single-minded passion, her
interest in the world, her beliefs would
make her enviable company.  If I
didn’t love her by this point,
I’d at least feel something approaching it.

But I have a life of my own, and I wonder:
How would I feel when, for the seventh
morning in a row, a tin soldier from her
war model kit, commonly used as a demonstration
tool on broadcasts, got stuck in a bloody
trench in my foot?  How would I take it
when she left me after
six months to do research in Kyrygstan?

There are always these doubts.
I know.
I have been married nearly a thousand times to
different women, all for a few moments.
I quickly turn my attention to the PA on the
sixth floor downstairs, the woman in
vintage clothing who lives on the
tenth floor of a run-down tower block,
the lady in the silent home film I have
found in the local junk store.
It always ends the same,
and I do about it what I do in real life.
I sigh and do nothing.